omfg hilar

19 ways to maintain a healthy level of total f ing weirdness insanity

[even if you don't try them, they're f ing hilarious to read through]

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don’t Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It ‘In.’

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Cheques, Write ‘For Smuggling Diamonds’

7. Finish All Your sentences with ‘In Accordance With The Prophecy.’

8. Don’t use any punctuation

9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is ‘To Go.’

12. Sing Along At The Opera.

13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don’t Rhyme

14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical Sounds All Day.

15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can’t Attend Their Party Because You’re Not In The Mood.

16. Have Your Colleagues Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.

17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream ‘I Won!, I Won!’

18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Car Park, Yelling ‘Run For Your Lives, They’re Loose!!’

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. ‘Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.’

 

 

 

TOLD YA SO!

how to spot a player

we all know them. those boys that miraculously get any girl they want. they are not necessarily the most gorgeous guy of the bunch, but it’s their killer personality and this weird kind of aura that attracts you to them like bees to honey. like what the f is that seriously all about. how does it happen, why does it happen, and most importantly, why do you fall for their lip service [charming as it may be] EVERY. DAMN. TIME.

most of these kinds of guys have always been ladies men. chances are, they have sisters, or a dominant female presence in their family. these boys grow up knowing how girls are – what they like, how they act in specific situations… they’ve dealt with it before; handling you is a piece of cake.

these boys are observant. they never forget anything from past relationships. they watch you interact. they know your friends. their goal is to learn who you are inside and out [creepy?] so they can tempt you into anything.

they make you feel special. they cater to your every desire without seeming doormat-ish. and they get you EVERY. TIME.

question is – do we really like it?

FIT FLOPS!

wow. lo siento MUCHO for the lack of posts. ugh. guess the creative juice flow has been out of stock for a little.

ANYHOO… ever heard of FIT FLOPS?

no, not FLIP flops. FIT flops. this product actually works your boooooTAY and legs as you walk.

whoever said no pain no gain was completely overlooking the fit flop concept.

not convinced? buy a pair yourself. some of the designs are semi-stylish [eh...] and they are SUPER COMFY.

http://www.thefitflop.com/

check em out yourself

I’M THE BIRTHDAY BETCH!

my f ing BIRTHDAY BASH is this weekend people.

what the f are you getting me? be sure to ask my… publicist for my home mailing address.

LOVE YAS.

ps. there’s going to be lots of new party pix up on SUNDAY, so keep your eyes pealed. hope you all have just an exciting [well, ALMOST as exciting] a weekend as i’m going to have with half naked boys, wetness [water activities, ugh pervs] sun [let's cross our FINGIES!] and lots and lots & LOTS of beverages for me to illegally consume. [ NEXT year's my year ]

be jeal. stay cool. peace!

stalkeralert omgz.

just thought i’d share… my BIGGEST creepiest nyc myspace fan!

after commenting on each of my myspace pictures..

can only IMAGINE how my scrumptious J’bella’s gonna’ spend her b’day! I’m hatin’ on that LUCKY dude ALREADY JuLi’CiouS! lol HAVE A BLAST LUV…wink*

K*i*S*S*e*S*

Your BIGgest
FaN in NYC

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hm.

what JOKERS!

THIS MOVIE IS AN F ING BAD INFLUENCE!

muahahahaha just JOKING! 

my friend jriz [right] poses as the joker. this movie is proving to be quite the phenom.

solution.

i f ing HATE my

short hair.

did you know? not only do vitamins [vit - uh - MINZ] do the body good, they do the hair good, too!

vitamins a, b & c that is!

pick them up at your local drug store.

this is a must try, esp. if your hair is damaged and dead.

truly obsessed with

bubble tea [aka boba tea or tapioca pearls]

after literally forcing these slimy balls down people’s throats [ha ha ha - dirrrrrty]

we have decided that bubble tea is POSITIVELY a girl’s thing. not one Y-chromosome in the batch approved. for those of you NOT in the know [and seriously, shame on you!], bubble tea is an oriental treat[!], simply comprised of flavored tea and tasteless tapioca balls.

you suck the balls up through a fat straw.

SLIZZZURP. yum.

try. trust.

ch ch check out the muffins

http://muffinmumbles.blogspot.com

an up&coming must-add-to-your-favorites BLOG!

check for updates every friday.

new & cheap. me liiiikey.

nothing over twenty three bucks for forever twenty one.

http://www.forever21.com/heritage1981/category.asp?catalog%5Fname=FOREVER21&category%5Fname=81knit%5Ftop&Page=all